%CASTLES IN THE SAND

long time no see

- 2009年6月23日星期二 -

我回来了

跟HOTCH 一起回来了

回到这里发现还是老样子没有人来寂静和荒芜继续猖獗着

不知道这一次自己又能在这里呆多久

又高考了

19岁了

夏天来了

我不知道自己该期待什么该改变什么该挽留什么

然后时间就这样毫无声响地偷走了我的一切

然后又用另外一些东西来弥补我

让我连生气的资格都没有了

渐渐地忘记了自己最初要的是什么

盲目的追随麻木地活着

发现最终自己拥有的值得自己相信的还是最原始的东西

很容易卸下防线然后又遍体鳞伤得决定自己织一层网不想和这个世界见面

但我始终不适合一个人活着

我学会了适应

适应各种人各种嘴脸

变得不会生气

不想和别人有太多的瓜葛

甚至都很少哭了

都不记得上次是多久

我是坚强到麻木还是麻木地坚强

貌似什么都不在乎

其实在乎的很多

拒绝一些人想念一些人容纳一些人逃避一些人

我真的想找个地方让一切都重新开始

我学不会掩饰学不会阿谀奉承学不会矫揉造作学不会欺骗学不会世故

我不知道在这个社会没有这些到底好不好

我只知道我还是活得很累

害怕过生日不敢想未来

我没有任何憧憬

只是想把现在过好活在当下

计划赶不上变化

什么东西想的都很美好到头来却两手空空

还不如把现在的每一天都过好

想再多也始终是在想

始终实现不了

理智一点成熟一点实际一点这是我现在想对自己说得

< 22:52 >

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乱

- 2009年2月20日星期五 -

Is it called my life? I don't know if i can carry on.I don't need ur criticize,I don't need u to tell me how to deal with my life.And i am not begging for ur praise.I have my own thought and i can tell bad to gd.I am not kid anymore.

I don't know y u are all so weird.maybe i am weird myself.

I am not mean to be sensitive.I just want to make things better.I doubt if the world like me .i doubt if god likes me.i doubt if u like me.i doubt if me inside like me.i doubt...

I tried to be optimistic and i tried to smile to life ,i tried to not to escape ,i don't wanna all day complaining.I don't know wot make me feel so low,i find my life is meaningless and everyday is a nightmare.I hate repeat .

when u figure out that no one understands u ,even the person u living together or u meeting always.I tell myself to be strong again and again.sometimes i just need to complain then go on living.I don't mean to disappoint u .

♥sometimes i get so weird.i even freak myself out.i laugh myself to sleep.it's my lullaby.sometimes i drive so fast.just to feel the danger.i wanna scream.it makes me feel alive.is it enough to love?is it enough to breath?somebody rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed.is it enough to die?somebody save my life. i'd rather be anything but ordinary please.to walk within the lines.would make my life so boring. i want to know that i have been to the extreme .so knock me off my feets.come on now give it to me.anything to make me feel alive.let down your defences. use no common sense.if you look you will see that this world is a beautiful.accident turbulent suculent.opulent permanent, no way.i wanna taste it .don't wanna waste it away,sometimes i get so weird.i even freak myself out.i laugh my self to sleep it's my lullaby .is it enough?♥

< 22:07 >

3 comments

都是我的哈哈

- 2009年2月18日星期三 -

These are the guys i like .

when i was young,i prefer handsome boys,I didn't care the personality then.stupid me .

time passed by,i was not that girl before.The appearance is becoming more more unimportant.At first,i can be attracted by the gorgeous though.watevr,i will found most of them are nothing.

now let me introduce these guys for u .

♥ second pc Ashin ♥

He is talent and modest.He has a band named mayday,which is one of the most popular band in Asian.Nearly all songs in the band are written by him and he has a gd feeling when he is singing.what's more,mayday gives me much power when i am down.I am deeply inspired by themand appreciate them much.

♥ first pc Toma生田斗真 ♥

He is a japanese.cute and optimistic,he is kind to everyone .H e is self-effacing and work hard at his work.He always concertrates on the things he does.forever smile,he is brave to resolve the probelms which is difficult to handle.

♥3rd and 4th pc Michael Cera ♥

He is an comedian from canada.He is not handsome and looks like a ordinary guy on the street,but he is full of humor and has a perfect future.He is very funny ,u can c youtube about him.I can't help laughing when he acts even though it is not that fun.

♥yeah,they are not perfect,but they are all great! ♥

< 11:52 >

1 comments

学学学

- 2009年2月15日星期日 -

♥ 2day,I and hotch went to the
book shop bringing some valuable books.I feel very gd.meanwhile i begin thinking about something matters.♥
I hate giving up halfway again and again.I am learning german and trying translating a book on my own.This time,wotever how hard it is ,i will carry on.
"let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of france.ler's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance,let's get rich and build a house on a mountaintop making everybody look like ants from way up there,you and i ,u and i"
we are all on our own,we can't depend on our friends even our parents,we should learn to make our life alone overcoming
all the difficulties and making everyone who love us feel proud.
Then we can live wotever life we want .
♥ Now i am on the road ,gd luck to myself and of course hotch.
XD ♥

< 23:51 >

1 comments

凤凰行

- 2009年2月14日星期六 -

I was back from fenghuang last

night.I feel tired but happy.GOD

played trick on me.realising i

have left my clothes behind

there,i was almost back home.OMG~~Forget it.:(

We have travelled around the town many times,it is very

small,but comfortable and beautiful.

meanwhile,we visited stockaded village named... it has a

complecated name.~~~after that we visited TianLong valley

which shocked me.It is a magnificent sight.although i nearly

tired to die.Also, We went boating seeing the scenery pass by.

u can't image how pleasant it is.wot's more, we had roast,the

price is very cheap indeed. And it is fun to play with

people and tourits there.

In all,it is worth going ,I want to go there next time .

(I have taken loads of photos,if u wanna c more, click the link"photos")

< 11:25 >

1 comments

心血来潮

- 2009年2月8日星期日 -

♥2day is a boring day.♥

I got up at 12am.lol as usual.I don't know y i have gd condition at night.maybe i am a night cat.XD

I have found hotch is bored as me.so is abc adn xyz.I have gradually found many people are having a boring life thougn they annouced they are so happy.

maybe life is boring itself.wot we need is to change it into a meaningful life.

I feel more and more upset rencently.ifeel inbalanced.but i can't find out wot i lack of .

2morrow i will have a visit to FengHuang with short and horse.I hope it is a awesome trip.

i decided to write novel long before.but set it aside immediately.hope this time we(me and hotch)will be successful.XD.

♥2morrow will meet JUma who is going to JIangXi in 10th.another long time no c.

hope everything will be okay^&^♥

< 20:55 >

2 comments

我决定

- 2009年2月7日星期六 -

♥ In09 I moved with hotch here.。♥

we decided to find a place where people don't know us well .

what's more important ,i need a new start.

I think i need to adapt to the world .

n' stop hating.

I have known loads of things during my 19 years.

but i am always doing the things i hate.

now i guess it's time to change.

change many respects but stay real.

I think i must pursue real things instead of complaining and asking too much for life.

grateful n tolerated rather than escape n supinely tolerate.

♥. love the life and enjoy the journey.♥

< 23:00 >

2 comments